Boneyard Rising

by Jessie Lilley

In Mondo Cult 2, we featured a story on The Boneyard Collection. An amusing anthology of spine tinglers from our friends Edward Plumb and L.J. Dopp.

A host of luminaries appear in these vignettes, including Brad Dourif, Ken Foree, Tippi Hedren, George Clayton Johnson, Robert Loggia, Kevin McCarthy, Rod McKuen, William Smith, Barbara Steele, Brinke Stevens, Susan Tyrrell and countless others. The entire series is wrapped around your host, Dr. Acula as pertrayed by the inimitable Forrest J Ackerman.

One vignette, Her Morbid Desires, was adapted by Plumb from the short story by our own Brad Linaweaver and features both the author and Ray Harryhausen in cameo roles.

The film was great fun. Everyone in town got in on it. Even I, your intrepid editor, showed up. I enjoyed portraying an Irish screenwriter pitching a script in L.J. Dopp's Cry of the Mummy! But as with many of its ilk, it came and went like a summer breeze.

Recently, writer Steve Tymon was at the Super Walmart in the Palmdale/Lancaster, CA area when he came across Paranormal Encounters: 28 Hauntings (Echo Bridge). One of the feature movies included in this DVD set is The Boneyard Collection.

After receiving this news, Brad Linaweaver found the DVD in his local Walmart in Central Florida. J. Kent Hastings went online and ordered a copy. I did not order a copy. Instead, I dug out the old files from Mondo Cult 2 and put them together for you all to enjoy, right here on this very page.

Brad writes: The first time Forry was seen wearing Lugosi's cape in a feature film was as Count Dracula in Fred Olen Ray's Attack of the 60 foot Centerfold. The second time FJA is wearing the cape in a feature film is as Dr. Acula in The Boneyard Collection. “In The Raven (1935) Bela Lugosi exclaims, "Poe, you are avenged." Now, Edward L. Plumb and L. J. Dopp are avenged.”

L.J. Dopp

THE BONEYARD COLLECTION

A Biting Satire of the Entertainment Industry

Originally published anonymously as a simple description of the film, this was written by L.J. Dopp for Mondo Cult 2—Ed.

This long-awaited made-for-cable feature will finally be debuting on DVD the summer of 2007, after several years of painstaking planning and production. It's an anthology horror comedy, consisting of four separate segments connected by interwoven host segments featuring Forrest J Ackerman as Dr. Acula and rising star Danielle James, as well as two other Boneyard Beauties.

Written-produced by Edward L. Plumb and L.J. Dopp, The Boneyard Collection consistently lampoons the various elements of show business. In one of the faux trailers (à la Kentucky Fried Movie) an all-girl rock band is booked to playa gig in a town overrun by flesh-eating zombies. In another, a coven of beautiful witches conjures up Brad Dourif (as the Devil), and endures the inept attacks of witch-killer Ken Foree.

The first long segment, Her Morbid Desires, was adapted and directed by Plumb, based on the short story by Mondo Cult publisher Brad Linaweaver. Thanks to advice from her aunt (Tippi Hedren), an actress climbs to the top in Hollywood with the lead role in a vampire movie (opposite Ron Moss as Dracula and Kevin McCarthy as a Monk), only to discover starlets are being murdered on-set to create publicity for the film. Robert Loggia and William Smith play directors, and British horror goddess Barbara Steele plays the author of the romance novel turned cinematic bloodbath.

Tom Rees is Shepseskaf,
the reincarnated Egyptian mummy.

Another long segment, Cry of the Mummy, written-directed by Dopp, has the reincarnated mummy, Shepseskaf, last pharaoh of the fourth dynasty, looking to sue the movie studios because he can't get work as a mummy. His new lawyer offers to represent him as an agent, but Shep, the mummy, will only work in film if he can direct. Candy Clark plays beastly literary agent Jane Torquemada, and The Improv founder Budd Friedman plays himself, throwing the mummy offstage for bombing at standup.

Good music is an important part of this feature—composers for the various segments include Jack Lancaster (Bloodwyn Pig, Brand X), who performs onscreen twice, and David Manning who did the score for the recent Reefer Madness musical and composes for Desperate Housewives.

The slogan for producing company Irena Belle Films is, "Where beautiful women personify the supernatural," and it appears well-deserved in The Boneyard Collection—from the glamorous assemblage of fresh-faced, gorgeous young women in beautiful costumes, be they heroines, vixens, or vampires.

Besides Golden Globe® winner Hedren, Academy AwardTM nominee and Golden Globe® winner Dourif, Oscar® nominees McCarthy, Loggia, and Clark, other honored guest stars include Oscar® winner George Kennedy and nominee Susan Tyrrell. Bobby "Boris" Pickett appears, as does Brinke Stevens, Wayne Kramer of MC-5, Rachel Melvin from Days of Our Lives, and many others in surprise cameos.

Mondo Cult publisher Linaweaver shows up a couple of times on-screen—once as an Anton LeVay-type conducting a human sacrifice. And Editor-in-chief Jessie Lilley cameos as an Irish lesbian pitching a script to the mummy.

John DeChancie

The Poetry of John DeChancie

Zombie Villanelle

Do not lurch gentle into that dark night,
Zombie, drool and rave at close of day.
Chomp, chomp the Living in their frantic flight.

Fresh risen from the dead, rev’nants know right
Well human flesh is good, and they will say,
Do not lurch gentle into that dark night.

Good men, tasty morsels, they try to fight.
Respect the dead! Though we, oh well, okay,
Chomp, chomp the Living in their frantic flight.

Mild ghouls, who would disdain the awful sight
But hunger at the sun’s dim final ray
Do not lurch gentle into that dark night.

Ghoulmands, who know that human brains delight
When served with toast points and a Chardonnay,
Chomp, chomp the Living in their frantic flight.

And you, humans, refusing us one bite,
Clutch your shotguns, knives, and hear us pray:
Do not lurch gentle into that dark night,
Chomp, chomp the Living in their frantic flight.

---

Boneyard Gallery

LEFT: "Ghostesses" Electra and Aurora
RIGHT: Boneyard hosts Dena Wilkinson. Danielle James and Forrest J Ackerman as Dr. Acula

LEFT: George Clayton Johnson is an opium-smoking vampire
RIGHT: Ronn Moss is Dracula in his castle

LEFT: Brad Dourif is the Devil
RIGHT: Ken Foree is witch-killer Byron Styles

LEFT: Jessica Borden is the virgin with Kevin McCarthy
RIGHT: Candy Clark is mean-spirited literary agent Jane Torquemada

LEFT: Elizabeth Plumb is the youngest screenwriter, Rachel Melvin is the agent
RIGHT: "Shep" and Improv founder Budd Friedman

LEFT: Edward L. Plumb with Robert Loggia
RIGHT: Edward L. Plumb with Barbara Steele, who is romance novelist Vanessa Peabody

LEFT: Julia Beatty lounges seductively
RIGHT: Marlene Mc’Cohen is the sultry assistant

LEFT: Kelly Rosado is the Queen's Pet with Molly Murphy
RIGHT: Leanna Chamish and Amanda Jorda

LEFT: Tippi Hedren is Aunt Gloria
RIGHT: Susan Tyrrell is the High Priestess

LEFT: George Kennedy is Professor Jebediah Jones
RIGHT: Molly Murphy is Queen of the Vampires

LEFT: Rebecca Rogers is a victim
RIGHT: Erica Hanson tastes royal blood

LEFT: Hannah Harper looking hot
RIGHT: Brinke Stevens plays herself

The Crypt of the 7 Vampires

We couldn't show you the color poster in the print version of Mondo Cult 2 because
we printed in black & white. Three cheers for the magic on online!

And finally, at Shockfest in 2012, this shot,
possibly the only photograph taken, where neither Edward L. Plumb nor Brad Linaweaver
have gorgeous women hanging off them!
L-R: Brad Linaweaver, Anthony Eichner, Tony Copolillo, Edward L. Plumb and Seth Marten